Barely Keeping Head Above Water

A couple posts back I wrote in regards to being happy in an economic crisis and every word I wrote was sincere and honest regarding how I feel one is able to be happy in an economic crisis. But, acquiring and maintaining happiness and a positive attitude does become harder when after four months, both the father and mother of the family do not have full-time jobs save the tutoring and freelance writing jobs that occur here and there and these certainly do not pay the bills!Having five kids, bills to pay, food to put on the table, gas in the car, and many other obligations that require money to fulfill them has now evoked the feeling of almost despair. It's as if I'm swimming across the Atlantic Ocean (without a life boat, buoy, or other helpful device) and I'm struggling to keep my head above water! So, how do I bury the burdens and reflect a positive, loving, caring attitude so that my children do not suspect anything is wrong and so that my husband does not pick up an erroneous vibe which says I am disappointed in him?

Stress! Who here doesn't understand nor underestimate that word? No doubt many of us long for the days of childhood where life seemed so carefree and no worries or burdens pressed down upon us and yet we are grown now, facing real obligations with real consequences if they are not met and yet we can still be happy and function as a good parent, a good family. Just this morning I was thinking about all that has to be done around our home (purchase a new lawn mower because the other one broke and we have 2 acres to mow, buy gym shoes for my oldest daughter - any cheap kind will do, make a grocery list and buy the items, etc) when I realized that my list of things to do or purchase is never going to fade away! And then I began to sorta hyperventilate in that I also realized that even though my husband and I have no jobs, our school loans are to begin repayment by the middle of the summer!

So, that last thought was extrememly heavy and I wanted to cry but then I heard this tiny giggle and wouldn't you know, it was my infant daughter. She had just surpassed a major accomplishment: crawling up the entire set of stairs to the living room where I was sitting, thinking on the couch. She looked at me, giggled, and began a victory dance. She has struggled for a month or so trying to get up the entire set of stairs and yet she never gave up and today was her moment of truth: she can do it! And she did do it! I smiled at her, showed her "spirit fingers" (Bring it On - cheerleading movie) and rejoiced with her in her accomplishment. And then it hit me - my husband and I are struggling to find jobs and keep our heads afloat but there will eventually be a victory dance for us. One in which we get jobs and can feel the fulfillment in meeting our obligations. But if the victory dance comes later than sooner, I can keep my head above water by revelling in the smallest victories that my children accomplish each day. And maybe that's why I don't have a paid monetary job for my purpose right now must be to remain at home with my young children and watch them grow and be there to support them in their daily accomplishments/victories. And I'm totally fine with that! :-)