Measuring Our Worth as Mothers

I do not know if you are a bit like me, but as a full-time working mommy, there are times that I feel a monumental sense of guilt.  Guilt - because I am not home raising my children but rather must entrust them to the care of other women.   Yet, this has always been the case for me.  Living in Southern California lends itself to almost a requirement that both parents work full-time in order to provide for the family.  The cost of living out here is outrageous – if I didn’t work, our family would literally be living in the ghetto or the barrio (you can’t find cheap housing for a family of 9 anywhere).  I don’t think that would be God’s best for our family.  Obviously my husband and I love our children so much that we strive and sacrifice in order to provide them the necessities of life as well as some fun stuff like music lessons, camps, sports, etc.

Although I live in an expensive area of the U.S., I still sometimes feel like I don’t do enough for my kids.  By that statement I don’t mean that I physically do things like cleaning their rooms, making the beds (most of them are old enough to do such things for themselves and it’s their chores!) but the guilt comes in because I am ineffective when it comes to my household chores such as keeping up with laundry, dusting, cleaning those nasty, disgusting bathrooms and other such “motherly” duties. 

Recently I was speaking with a good friend and expressing my feelings of guilt.  She is also a full-time working mommy, with three children, and she said that we mothers tend to measure our worth by what we do or produce.  If the laundry baskets are not completely empty at the end of each day, we failed.  If the dinner we cooked was not a gourmet meal but maybe came from a frozen prepared meal, we failed.  If the kids brought home bad grades on their progress reports, we failed because we did not help them enough with the homework they didn’t understand.  If the house is messy, we failed.  If we didn’t get to spend as much time with the kids that day as we wanted to, we failed.

All of these thoughts weight heavily on my mind weekly because I do measure my worth as a mother in terms of how my kids are doing academically, socially, behaviorally, and spiritually.  My purpose as a mother is to love my children, train them to become effective citizens while at the same time teaching them to love God and those around them.  Oh how I know I fail daily because I don’t meet these expectations I have placed on myself and this is where my guilt comes and presses down on me.  My kids do have their chores but I find that I feel most accomplished when I have helped them in some way or when I have totally emptied out the 9 different laundry baskets that are in my garage.  I feel like “Wonder Woman” mommy when my chores are done and I have helped my kids.  Is that so bad? Shouldn’t I feel more accomplished at home than I do at work?  Isn’t my first job “Mommy” and not “High School Spanish Teacher”?  What do you think?  Should we mommies measure our worth by what do for our kids?  How should we measure our worth/value as mothers?

K.I.S.S. Toddler Birthday Party

My 6th child recently turned three so to celebrate my husband told me, "I want a COOL birthday party, ok?"  At first, I thought he was giving me a 10-month advance notice of what he wanted for his birthday but then I quickly realized that my dear husband was referring to our toddler and the party he should have on his special day.  Instantly I entered panic mode because we have not thrown many birthday parties due to the sheer volume of our family.  I mean, having 6 other siblings sharing cake and watching you open presents is an automatic party, right?  And what 3 year-old is going to remember the "cool" party that was thrown for him?  Apparently, my husband was one such toddler.

I knew immediately which decorations to bathe our home in: Batman!  My son received a Batman puffer vest, t-shirt, and converse shoes at various times throughout the past 6 months and acquired an affinity for all things Batman although he has never seen a cartoon or movie nor read a book about Batman; yet somehow my son knew that Batman was awesome.  A quick trip to Party City afforded me the opportunity to ensure my son’s party would be appropriately adorned and that the guests would go home with an appreciation for Batman’s awesomeness.

When it comes to throwing birthday parties, I like to use the K.I.S.S. method – “Keep It Simple, Stupid.”  I try not to stress over the small stuff, but I am a bit of a Type-A personality where things must be perfect no matter what I plan to accomplish.  Why should a simple birthday party cause me stress?  Well, number one, I have to impress the other toddlers, can’t let them be bored (duh!) and number two, I need to make a good impression with the parents that I am not a lame parent or that I keep a messy house.

So with regards to my toddler’s party, not only was I thinking about birthday decorations and my husband’s “cool” expectations, I was thinking about how I needed to scrub down my house so that it was spotless when the parents arrived.  It didn’t matter that those precious little toddlers would wreck it the moment they entered my home.  Everything had to be PERFECT!

I purchased Batman paper plates, napkins, cups, goodie-bags (filled with random items), a tablecloth, streamers, balloons, a piñata, candy for the piñata, and a pin for my son.  Decorations? Check.  Food?  K.I.S.S. = hot dogs, homemade mac-n-cheese, chips, sliced fruit (bananas, apples, oranges), grapes, juice boxes, and of course one supremely, awesome Batman cake from Vons (grocery store out in the West) bakery.  But what about entertainment?!?  I was going mad in my head as how to accomplish the “cool” factor.  So, keeping it simple, I simply put a variety of my son’s toys in a huge plastic container and had it ready for the toddlers to tear through once they arrived.  I also counted the piñata as a fun game so I checked the entertainment column “complete.” Oh, and for ambiance, I made sure my I-Pod was ready to blast some favorite toddler songs such as “Old MacDonald” and “Itsy, Bitsy Spider.”  I’m not into those Disney remakes of current pop songs.

The day of the party arrived and my son went C-R-A-Z-Y!  He knew he was a star, decked in his new Batman t-shirt (with an attached cape!), Batman cap, and converse shoes. This kid was overjoyed that the day was all about him.  Wowzers, what a day!  He ran all over the house showing the guests his toys, his music, his balloons, and his house.  He was thrilled with the gifts he received from his little buddies and was excited that everyone was there to celebrate and honor his big day.  Yep, my son was one happy toddler, hyped up on way too much sugar!  I hope he will remember his very “cool” Batman birthday party so he can tell his future wife how to throw such cool parties for their son.