I am Mommy - Hear Me Roar!!!

Ever have one of those days where you feel like retiring, giving up, throwing in the hat and never looking back?  This morning I reached my breaking point.  I called my husband and told him that I can't take it anymore.  I want a vacation - all by myself - and I want to quit my job as homeschool teacher, mommy, secretary, taxi driver, maid - whatever title I have with regards to taking care of this family.  At that moment, I was ready to give it all away (my entire life) to the first taker.

What hurled me into this state of mind?  The morning began as any other - waking up to my baby crying, wanting to be nursed, and then going downstairs to make coffee for my husband and prepare his lunch for the workday.  I then enjoyed some breakfast myself while I chatted with my husband and a few moments later the other five children awoke and came down to begin the day as well.  After we all kissed Daddy good-bye, I went into the classroom to check my email and make my "To-Do" list as I do each morning.  I noticed I was missing a couple of items so I asked my oldest son to bring the items downstairs.  A couple minutes later my son returned with all my things as well as a 32 oz. cup filled with water.  I don't know who or what overtook his brain for a mere 2 seconds but whoever/whatever inhabited it, caused my son to royally screw up. 

My son decided that the best place to set my items would be on his computer printer even though there was a massive kidney-shape table behind him, empty, that would have enjoyed, and was fully capable of, holding the items for a few minutes.  As he bent over to set down the items, the 32 oz. cup spilled out its entire contents all over the front of the printer, down the side of the printer, and into every crack and crevice of the printer.  This is not our printer because it belongs to the virtual school for which my son attends.  I am expected to return this printer, in mint condition, to the school in June and now here it was dripping with water and the ink from the ink cartridges was oozing out onto my carpet.

I did what any insane woman would do - I jumped up, yanked out the cords, and started shaking the water out of the printer.  I yelled at my son to find me towels and a blow dryer.  I screamed insults, pulled my hair, stomped my feet, and yelled, in Nancy Kerrigan-like-fashion, "Why me?  Why ME?!?!?!"  My girls came running to the classroom door to see what could possibly have prompted Mommy to react so strangely.  I felt like it was an out-of-body experience as I yelled, "Stupid, stupid, stupid!!!" over and over again as I frantically dried out the printer. 

I began to cry out of frustration and guilt.  No, my son was not stupid; it was just an accident.  But the stress level had errupted and I took it out on my son.  How many times have I accidentally spilled water near my own computer?  Did I behave like an idiot-woman then?  No.  How many times have I gotten my cell phone slightly wet and yet it still worked?  Did I insult myself by calling me "stupid?"  Well, sometimes but I never responded to the situation in drama-queen/insane-woman fashion as I did this morning with my son.  I caused him to cry and I felt horrible!  I had done what the Bible says not to do (Fathers, provoke not your children to wrath) - the verse also applies to mothers and here I was breaking this commandment.  I am sure I caused my son to cry in anger, not out of regret, because it's not as if he spilled the water on purpose.  Afterall, he was obeying and being helpful by bringing my items downstairs.

My children heard me roar this morning and it wasn't pleasant.  The lesson learned here is that kids are kids and sometimes a crazy monster does take their brain hostage and they do foolish things which may sometimes be costly.  But, that's a kid's prerogative, right?  I constantly did equally foolish things with electronics when I was my son's age.  I broke my family's VCR player by cramming in a video because I thought I was gently nudging it in when there was in fact another video in the player already.  I broke my parents' electrical mirrors on the station wagon because I wanted to see what was in my teeth.  How stupid was that?  One mirror wasn't enough, I had to try the other one!!!  Come on, now! 

So why did I lose it with my son and roar?  Because I'm stressed with financial burdens?  Or because I've had lack of sleep this past week due to guests?  Who cares what the reason/excuse, I hurt my son and the words and behavior I displayed...I cringe to think what I looked like to my children!  I can never take back those words and actions.  I did apologize to all the kids after I eventually calmed down and I asked their forgiveness.  I also prayed to God - in front of them - that He would forgive Mommy for being unkind and acting unwisely.  I don't want to crush my kids' spirits - they are beautiful souls - now all I can do is to remember daily to pray for God's strength and love to surround me as I interact with my kids and respond sanely to all the foolish things they may do :)

Enjoying the Simple Things

In this busy society, it is easy to forget to take time and enjoy the simple things that life offers.  Being a mother of six children does not afford me the privilege of soaking in much "down time" but today was one of those days when I decided to spend some hours tossing my cares aside so that I could sit down, relax, and bask in the simple things of my life.

Gorgeous spring weather has finally arrived to our small country town in SC.  The school system here is participating in Spring Break which means I have let my homeschool children also take a week off from their studies.  After my morning tutoring sessions, I decided to go outside with the kids.  Thanks to Grandma, we had a brand-new box of sidewalk chalk to open so we spent time drawing all over our U-shape driveway.  Boy, can those kids draw some crazy pictures!  My father-in-law drew life size horses and a humungous princess castle for one of the girls.  The kids thought their drawings were so beautiful they took pictures of them to remember!  The Beagle even got into some action by eating the hot-pink flavor of sidewalk chalk...dumb dog! 

I am not much of an artist so my husband and I, along with our oldest son, decided to show each other who was boss in a friendly basketball game of "21."  My husband is the avid baller who is trying to teach my son the art of fine basketball.  I think the boys only have me play so they can enjoy some entertainment while they sweat and show each other "who's their daddy."  Well, whatever the reason they invited me to play, we all had a great time and my husband came out victorious!

These are the simple things I enjoy in life: watching my children have fun, playing in the outdoors with my husband and children, and soaking up the beauty God has given to us on this earth.  I absolutely love the moments I can relax and let the cares and burdens of this world fade away.  In those rare moments I find my focus is only on what truly matters to me in this world: family.  My children are growing so quickly so I must savor every opportunity to spend carefree time with them.  Life is short.  I want to spend as much of my life as possible just being with family.  Yep, enjoying the simple things - can't get much better than this!

Losing My Mind at Chuck E's Crib

So my friend decides to have her 4 year-old daughter's birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese on a Friday night (5 PM start time).  I thought, "Hmmm...can't be too bad, right?  And I have friends visiting from out of town with kids, so we should definitely go."  Seriously - what was I thinking?!?  Chuck E. Cheese on a Friday night in Greenville?  That is like the only kid-friendly place to go during the winter!!!  And our town only has only one Chuck E.!!!!  Yeah...wasn't as much fun as I thought it would be.

Between my family and my friend's family, there were 9 kids to look after.  I'm glad Chuck E. Cheese has a child-protection system in place - giving each child and parent the mark which can only be seen under their super-duper special light - but honestly, that still doesn't make me feel safe enough to let my children roam aimlessly from game to game.  I am naturally a distrusting person when it comes to my kids which means that wherever I go, I am constantly keeping my eyes on them to make sure no stranger takes them or touches them inappropriately.  So Chuck E. may give each of us special little stamps, but he still has restrooms and who knows which awful pedifile is lurking and waiting to help my children go potty?  I shudder at the thought.  Now you can see while I am on edge at place like Chuck E.'s crib.

On a Friday night there were a TON of children and strangers!  I was losing my mind trying to keep up with everyone.  That already gave me a bit of stress but add loud music, strobe lights, and an extremely warm temperature in the building, I was ready to vomit and scream at the top of my lungs - anything to create extra space around me.  For goodness sake, I had an 8 week old child strapped to my chest (I use an Evenflo carrier) so I was already feeling closterphobic!!!  Someone get me outta there!!!!!!!! 

Don't think I'm a Chuck E. hater, but on a winter - almost spring - Friday night, it is pure insanity to bring your children to that place!  The food was good - or so I thought until this morning when the toilet became my best friend for an hour - and the games are extremely entertaining for young and old (like my husband) but I don't think the stress is worth the entertainment I strove to provide for my children.  The little girl had a fabulous birthday and I'm glad we were able to help celebrate but from now on, I make a vow, a solid committment NEVER to enter Chuck E.'s crib again on a Friday night.  Maybe a Monday night or some time during the day but never, ever, a Friday night again!   Here's to Chuck E. - thanks for the headache and memories!  And cheap prizes!  All children went home happy and all parents went home with migraines - priceless!

Just Call Me the Laundry Bunny

I am trying really hard to motivate myself to dive into the rubble of clothes that lies in different mountains in my laundry room.  And I'm trying to muster up the energy and strength that is needed to sort the mountain of clothes.  But, I don't want to.  Who cares that my children do not have fresh underwear to put on.  I learned from a movie that you can acutally put your underwear inside out and wear them again - maybe I'll teach my kids this trick - might as well teach the husband too!  If I spray Febreze on the underwear, it should still smell OK, right? And what if I put the dirty underwear into the dryer - should feel softer, right?

It's not that doing laundry is a pain it's just that this family of eight creates too much laundry so really I need to do roughly 3 loads per day in order to stay on top of things and to avoid the disaster that is awaiting me in my laundry room.  But, life happens, right?  I mean, I'm not always home 24/7 to do 3 loads of laundry and the thing that really impedes my progress is the dumb old dryer.  That thing makes me dry each load of laundry twice in order for clothes to become really dry!  What a waste of my time!!!  I guess I could start hanging clothes up outside but that requires more work!  My husband always tells me to work smarter not harder so I guess that means I will just continue to dry each load twice :)

I think we're reaching the point where we need at least two dryers.  I'm envisioning a laundry room similar to that of the Duggar household.  You know the family - 19 kids living with parents under one roof.  If you don't recognize their name, check them out on TLC (http://tlc.discovery.com/tv/duggars/19-kids-and-counting.html)  It makes sense to have more than one dryer if mine is currently getting used at least six times a day!  Maybe I'll have the kids help dry clothes by using a hair dryer.  Something has got to speed the process up and save me from this mountain of clothes.  Or maybe I'll spare the dryer and have the fam use my new underwear trick and apply it to all their clothes.  If only my infant would stop pooping through everything, then he could learn the trick too!

A Name to Love

There are days when I wish I could change my name because all I ever hear - almost 24/7 - is "Mommy!  Mommy!  MOMMY!!!!" 

My almost 2 year-old child is constantly saying my name from the moment her eyes open and her feet hit the floor.  Almost ceasingly, she goes throughout her day yelling my name while she roams around, seeking to find me.  Sometimes I wonder if she even knows another word or recognizes the fact that someone else in the house - besides Mommy - can help meet her need/want/desire!

Just this morning my little toddler said my name EIGHT times in a row while she sat in her high chair and watched me prepare her breakfast.  She wanted to eat and she wanted the food NOW.  Obviously in her mind, saying my name repeatedly, each time with increased volume and fervency, would prod me to work faster in getting her meal ready.  

One would think that as a mother, I would love to hear the sound of my name being repeated over and over again - that the very utterance of my name would be as a melody in my ear.  That simply is not the case.  All I wanted to do this morning was to muzzle my child!  I jokingly asked my husband if there is a surgery - similar to that of taking away a dog's ability to bark - that could be performed on my toddler until she broadens her vocabulary.  Sadly, there is not, and although the very idea is inhumane, I wonder why it crosses my mind so frequently?

Before you judge, you have to remember that I have SIX children at home with me - all day long - who also love to say my name.  So, add five other children into the mix with the toddler who is always shouting my name and you can better understand why I am beginning to loathe my name! 

Ah, "Mommy" - I do love my name and I realize that the day is coming when I will want my kids to utter my name more frequently because they will be in that stage of development where Mom is so not cool but for now, I could stand to hear my name a little less.  Well, at least having a child say my name in a quieter tone and not so demanding!  :-)

Working from Home

In today's economy, I feel strongly that I am not the only stay-at-home mom looking for work that can be done either online or at home (like stuffing envelopes or telemarketing).  I have been blessed to land two online tutoring gigs (http://www.brainfuse.com/ and http://www.ed2netlearning.com/) - both of which allow me to work at home, online, with rather flexible schedules.  I am paid $10 an hour if my students show up, but if no one shows, then I am paid 1/3 of that hourly rate.  Doesn't sound like much, I guess, but the gigs are allowing me to make some cash while I am at home.

Even though I have been fortunate to obtain some online work, it does not provide a stable supplementary income and that totally bums me out.  There is a dollar amount in my head for which I need to earn per month in order to help pay the bills.  As I mentioned before, this is a supplementary income - my husband is the breadwinner and is bringing home a good paycheck but the amount is less than what our family needs to survive.  And let me tell you, we do not live outside our means by any stretch of the imagination! 

Hello?!?  Six kids?!?  You do the math: spending roughly $1,000 a month on food to feed us (we do not go out to restaurants - no McDonald's, no CiCi's Pizza, nothing!)  All food is bought at Wal-Mart or Costco.  Then you add in the bills we need to pay (gas/electric, trash, phone/internet, water, life insurance, etc - no car bills here, thankfully!) and the miscellaneous such as the amount needed to drive us around town to work, the grocery store, the library, YMCA practice, and church and voila!  Where did the money go?

So, back to making some money online.  I love the idea of online tutoring because a) it is flexible, b) I can do it while the kids are playing or napping - no interruptions for me, c) utlizes my Elementary Education degree as well as my M.Ed., and d) gives me money!  But....there is a problem: I stress myself a bit trying to make sure that all my tutoring is done during nap-time because one company uses headsets while the other one doesn't which means if the children are playing while I'm tutoring using a headset, the online students can hear my children = huge no-no!!!  I also get a bit stressed and totally discouraged when students do not show!  I'm waisting time while I sit and stare at a computer screen for apparently non-existent students!!! 

I absolutely LOATHE the idea of wasting time!  I do try to do something constructive while waiting such as Facebook or Gmail (no time like the present to catch up with family and friends!)  But is this waiting worth the frustration and discouragement?  Should I continue to stay on as an online tutor if students are never guaranteed to show up?  It would be great to have the ability to rely upon making a certain amount per month with these tutoring companies but sadly this isn't happening.  I suppose the biggest thing that gets me is this: I am qualified to teach but our state isn't currently hiring teachers, or substitutes for that matter, and I'm torn between the desire to teach full-time and stay at home with my kids.  I know the Bible says to be content in your situation but sometimes it just feels good to earn some money - personally makes me feel validated for having earned my college degrees (and having to pay off the loan debt still!). 

I love my kids so much and don't want to leave them so that's why I absolutely LOVE the idea of staying at home and working from home...I suppose sometimes you can't have it all?   What do you think?  Any successful stories out there from moms staying at home and earning sufficient money to make ends meet while not taking away time from the kids and husband?

Looking Forward to Spring

I don't know about you, but I'm ready for spring!  This winter has been wonderful with all the snow - I LOVE the snow - and I'm huge fan of cold weather.  Something about colder weather makes me feel skinnier - perhaps that's why I think winter is the best season!  But, this winter has brought so much sickness into my home and I'm tired of dealing with that stupid stomach bug.  You know the one...constant diarrhea or throwing up - for DAYS!  And it has literally been many days at my house with this sickness in the past few weeks because of how many people reside here and share all those lovely icky germs!  Enough already!  Bring on the Spring!!! :)

I have Lysoled the house like crazy - all the furniture, even carpets - and have been changing sheets, washing laundry as soon as it is defiled, making sure kids are washing hands, coughing into their sleeves instead of into their hands, yet for all my worthy efforts, that dumb stomach bug reigns!  We may have rid our home of the stomach virus but I think we've moved onto the strep throat virus - lovely!  Highly contagious!  And I have a 6 week old infant to protect from these nasty invaders!  Sigh...the groundhog saw it's shadow, right?  Hmmm...maybe only a few more weeks of winter?

If you have any tips on how to effectively rid the home of germs - specifically the stomach and strep throat ones - comment me!  I could use some help - obviously!  Here's hoping your family gets rid of the sickness soon too!